Job Feedback and Career Advice

Advice to the intern: learn to recognize and accept job feedback graciously

Job Feedback and Career Advice

The topic of career advice and job feedback comes up regularly for me. When networking, I am often asked, “What career advice do you have for me”? Ma and Pa Nasty are turning over in their graves when they hear that some poor soul is so lost they stop by the HRNasty crib for job feedback. I like to think colleagues know I will be straight with my responses and won’t sugar coat anything.

Learn to accept graciously

If I had a young mentee or a studious intern with pulled-back hair and horned-rimmed glasses who wanted to get into management, I would provide the following new job feedback: Learn how to recognize job feedback and advice. Specifically, learn to effectively and diplomatically accept job advice in two instances:

1. Learn to graciously accept feedback from out of the blue, even when not requested.
2. Learn to recognize feedback when it is given to you.

In regards to category 1, you know the feedback I am talking about. 

Seagul management

• You just spent 20 hours of your personal time working on a project that no one asked you to do. After showing initiative, your manager basically gives you the “You could have done this, and you should have done that” kind of feedback. “Well, FU too”!
• You just did something you are proud of and receive demoralizing feedback on something completely different.  Can’t I be with the hot girl at the dance for just 2 minutes without someone trying to cut in?

As a guy working in HR, I am usually involved in more “sticky” employee situations than in “Atta Boy/Girl” conversations.  Anyone can hand out a raise or give a pat on the back. HR provides several services, but at the end of the day, I am here to protect the company and solve employee issues. I see these situations evolve, I see the investigations, I hear what is discussed behind closed doors. Usually, I see the resolutions and what is discussed with the employees.

Feedback dependent on anticipated response

1. If the manager believes the employee will react badly, that will be one conversation with pre-designed plays and counterplays.
2. If the employee has a reputation for reacting badly, that conversation will be more delicate.
3. If the employee has a reputation for accepting feedback and making behavior adjustments graciously, that is a much easier conversation. This is a conversation everyone will embrace, and the feedback will be transparent.

Guess which of the three conversations does your manager (the person who gives the blessing of your next raise and promotion) want to have with you?

We all make mistakes. We will all receive job feedback.

Some of the job feedback is constructive; some feedback is destructive. We all know it’s not the intent but the impact that matters. Despite the intent, guess which of the three above employees will continue to climb the corporate ladder after demoralizing job feedback.

How we react to feedback is judged in several ways. We are critiqued on our body language, how quickly we admit fault or deny actions, and how we defend our innocence, to name just a few.

An innocent person defending their innocence belligerently and defensively is as good as guilty.

The innocent may be cleared of the charges, but everyone around them will remember how the innocent party reacted vs. remembering the innocence.

A well-performing employee reacting badly to feedback will only be remembered for responding badly. 

For this reason, I coach colleagues to lay low and remain calm when the recipient of uninspiring or demoralizing job feedback.

Win an argument with a jackass; you will only be king of the jackasses.

Of course, we never realize we are being negatively critiqued because that conversation is happening in your manager’s head with their inside voice.  A running commentary similar to the below:

Manager: Johnny, I know we talked about this last week. I need you to be in the office by 9:00.

Johnny Employee: Traffic was bad this morning. I was cut off on the highway and missed my exit. I wish folks would learn how to drive in bad weather. When will people learn how to drive in this city?

Manager’s inside voice:

“Holy shit, did he just say that? All this guy ever gives me is excuses. What did I see in this guy in the job interview? All I want him to do is show up on time. LEAVE F*&^ing EARLIER DUMBASS!  If it isn’t his dog, it is traffic, or the bus was late.  Always excuses with this one. Don’t yell at me, buddy; I didn’t come in late. I was here at 7:30 AM. It’s 9:10 right now. Excuses, Excuses, Excuses. I was going to have coffee with that hot new manager in Accounting, but now I am in such a shitty mood.  It isn’t even 10:00 am. I get this guy is smart, but the bullshit I have to put up with isn’t worth it. How many times do we have to go through this with this guy? I wish HR would just let me fire this dumbass”.

Manager responds with a grin f*&^ing smile:

Yes, the rain has been a problem here. I will suggest we set our alarm earlier so we can have a few extra minutes for our commute.

Johnny Employee: But I don’t know the night before whether the traffic will be a problem or not.

The manager’s inside voice: This little punk ass!

Do you think Johnny (come lately) will be receiving a raise or a promotion anytime soon? Not if his manager has any input.

Recognize feedback  

Most importantly, we need to recognize when job feedback is being delivered. Being asked to show up on time was well-intentioned job feedback. Most managers start with well-intentioned “feedback.” Frustration only kicks in when the feedback isn’t recognized for what it is. If the initial reaction is poor, the manager will move from DEFCON5 to DEFCON 1 and skip the three steps in the middle. We go from the “feedback” zone to the “I am pissed, this is a direct order” zone.  The situation is DEFCON 1 people, and nuclear war is imminent. We are past the state of readiness, and our manager is ready to blow up.

Without a doubt, these sticky situations went to an increased state of readiness when someone became defensive, didn’t want to listen, huffed and puffed, or was resistant to the job feedback.

Inside looking out or outside looking in

As much as we would like to think we are judged on our accomplishments, the judgments that matter are the ones that are served behind closed doors. Trust me, you are on the outside looking in. Even in the face of adversity, we need to be professional.

If you want to be a leader or manager or hold a senior individual contributor role, then results won’t be enough. The ability to handle constructive and deconstructive feedback is what will matter. No one wants to promote an employee who throws a tantrum or raises a fit when they are corrected or given constructive feedback.  What career advice would I provide to the intern?  Learn to recognize when feedback is being delivered and be gracious when accepting feedback.

See you at the after party,

HRNasty

nasty: an unreal maneuver of incredible technique, something that is ridiculously good, tricky and manipulative but with a result that can’t help but be admired, a phrase used to describe someone who is good at something. “He has a nasty forkball”.

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