Great career advice that changed my life!

Raymond (Hoffman) may have the skills, but car salesman Charlie (Cruise) would be the one who nails the interview and gets the job. Speak up!

Great Career Advice

I feel very fortunate to have received some excellent career advice. I thought it might help others out there, and hopefully, folks would share some advice they received. Some of the best career advice I have received was in my Corporate America years.  This advice came after working with 5 or 6 managers and having a job or two prior. This is advice that the prior managers didn’t bring up to me, and is advice I think about to this day. The advice that was given to me was from my immediate manager:

“Speak up, I am not a mind reader.  If you don’t speak up, I can only assume you don’t care, don’t have an opinion, or any ideas.”

I share it here because I think this great career advice is critical to both the job interview process and your career.   It is key to managing the interview process, your manager, and your career.  If you don’t say what is on your mind, how can you expect a hiring manager or your direct manager to know what you are thinking?

Honest with me and set me straight

This wasn’t advice for a specific situation; it is timeless, evergreen, and career advice I think about to this day. My prior manager could have given me the heads up, but MZ dared to set me straight. Yes, I have since returned and thanked her for the professional courage of telling me, “what’s up.”

Some perspective: I come from a background where you don’t speak until you are spoken to, and you do not ask for anything. One aspect of this philosophy significantly impacts my professional life, and I will go into more detail below. The other side of this philosophy affects my social life. If I go to a friend’s house, I won’t help myself to a Coke in the fridge. I wait to be asked if I want something to drink. When I am asked if I want a Coke, I decline the first two times.

This neurosis stems from a society that is very polite and doesn’t want to cause any trouble. It comes from a society that historically didn’t have anything. You declined an offer of food or drink because the person making the offer probably couldn’t afford to give you anything. If they could provide you with something, it wouldn’t be much, so this way, your host “saved face.” You saved your host from being embarrassed and looking poor.

Translated into the workplace

I never asked for extra work. I did the work I was given. From a metrics standpoint, I consistently scored in the top few percentiles. I thought I was doing a great job, but I wasn’t getting the cool new projects and would watch what I thought were lower-performing co-workers receiving more opportunities. Frustrating doesn’t begin to describe the plight of a guy who knew no better. I was the guy who was a great soldier but would never be asked by management to provide an opinion because it was assumed I didn’t have one.

During an annual review, my metrics were praised, and I was told I was doing an amazing job. Then, I got hit with the real deal. I DO NOT think it was because my manager recognized a cultural difference. In retrospect, if she had thought it was a cultural difference, working in corporate America, she probably wouldn’t have brought it up for fear of being misinterpreted and sued. This wasn’t a race thing; she wanted to push me as an individual, and I am grateful to her.  

“Nasty, I think you are one of the smartest guys in this department. Your performance indicates that you can maximize your time and the tools. But I do not know what is going on in your head. I don’t know if anything is going on up there at all. You never make a suggestion, you never comment on anything, and you never agree or disagree with anything. If I didn’t know better, I would think you don’t care about this department or your career.”

WTF is this!!??  You just gave me excellent marks, and now you insult me? Is this sandwich feedback with only one piece of day-old bread?  Seagull Management? This is more like a Shit Sandwich without the bread. Do you think I would busting my ass to perform at this level if I didn’t care????? I felt like Raymond from Rain Man. Intelligent but viewed as a dumb ass that should be wearing a football helmet. Regardless of performance, I would be viewed as an imbecile. I was not going to get the girl, AKA the opportunities and projects)

Went home pissed and dejected

I went home more bitter than sweet. It was a great review, but the feedback crushed my insecure and naïve little boy mind. After going home and thinking about it, I had an epiphany.  I don’t ever ask for anything. In my culture, asking for anything is rude. I especially do not ask for more responsibility. In my culture, that is arrogant. I won’t give my opinion until I am asked for it. This is especially true around elders or seniors with more experience than I. It was the way I was raised.

This respect was ingrained and all I knew. In the world I came from, if and when I mastered whatever I was doing, then, and only then, would I be given more responsibility. Being given more responsibility was the reinforcement that one had mastered the current responsibility. You didn’t test for a Black Belt; you were given one when ready. It was the ultimate compliment. I didn’t need an atta boy. I would never think of asking for one. Those senior to me would determine when I was ready, and I would keep trying until I was acknowledged. I came from a world where you never ask for praise. Think Tiger Mom, think Southern Gentleman, think introverted or shy. All are candidates for this great career advice.

Corporate Translation: 

In this newly exposed Corporate World, getting more responsibility meant asking for it or showing interest. It’s as simple as that. Whether you are doing well or not, not asking was a sign that you were not interested. There is no need to give special projects to someone who isn’t interested.

Street Translation:

(Warning, this is going to sound sexist as shit, but I want to give an example beyond work that folks can relate to.) Let’s say I am hanging out with someone I REALLY like. Someone, I think, has Long-Term Relationship potential. If I do everything right, I will forever be in the dreaded “friend zone.”  If I open the doors, pick up the tab, bring presents when they are sad, and agree with everything they say, including they have a tiny ass. . .  Friend Zone.

Yes, the above sounds good on paper, but all that effort won’t get you running the bases. First, second, and third base are getting felt up by the Rain Man’s fast-talking brother, played by Tom Cruise, who is making moves. Until I vocalize that I care, give a damn, have an opinion, and maybe even stand up for an idea I believe in, I will continue to strike out. I have to articulate I am interested in this potential mate, or I will never leave home plate — Friend Zone.

Epiphany

Do you want me to volunteer my opinion before it is asked of me? Are you asking me to present my ideas without being asked to? Do you want me to disagree with someone senior when I feel they may have missed something? 

“Oh, you want me to be proactive and do what I can to further the company, the department, and the career.”

The above sounds absurd now as I read it, but to this day, I remember that day and am grateful it came later rather than never. The company I work with now is 100X more culturally diverse than the Fortune Company mentioned above. The guy I report to is sensitive to the differences. I recognize I have had to adapt. I am fortunate he has appreciated different backgrounds and made adjustments for me.  This is what great leaders do.

It isn’t braggadocio

HR is asked to be sensitive to different cultures, but at the end of the day, if you want to be successful, you must speak up. Not all managers have the professional courage of MZ, my manager at the time. Cultures/companies have different rules. If you want to play in the National League as a pitcher, you better be ready to swing a bat and, yes, get on base.

Looking out for number one doesn’t mean you have to be the selfish ass. You are doing your manager and your department a favor when you volunteer your skills, give your ideas, or show an interest in/volunteer for projects. You are letting your manager know what tools are in their toolbox. If you wait for someone to ask you, you will probably be waiting a long time. You will always be in the Friend Zone.

See you at the after party,

HRNasty

nasty: an unreal maneuver of incredible technique, something that is ridiculously good, tricky, and manipulative but with a result that can’t help but be admired, a phrase used to describe someone who is good at something. “He has a nasty forkball”.

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