Find a mentor

Mentors can point you in the right direction and save you time and heartache.

Career Accelerator

I was recently asked to write a post outlining the skills that employees should develop to advance their careers. I wrote three posts that focused on different skills needed to succeed in the workplace. The skills listed below are not a focus in most college curricula, and for me, this is a $ 25 K-a-year college tuition travesty!

These skills are listed and linked here:

• Public Speaking
• Skills for career success
• The most important skill for landing a job

Before I wrote that series of posts, I thought I had three high-impact steps you could take to further your career. Of course, since then, I feel I have yet another game changer, and it is more impactful. This week’s post covers this career accelerator and, more specifically, how to set yourself up for success with this specific tool.

I believe the most important thing you can do for your career is to find a mentor or a coach

When I say mentor or coach, I do NOT mean two specific things:

1. I don’t believe you need to have a coach whom you pay $250 an hour. I believe that 99% of us, including many executives, can find a coach or mentor who will help cover the costs of lunches, coffees, and possibly provide a referral when needed.
2. Joining a mentorship program where the program manager pairs 10 mentors and 10 mentees, hoping for 10 great matches. Ten great matches out of 10 pairs of mentor/mentees just isn’t won’t happen. Call the program a success if you get one great match-up out of those 10 pairings. We have all been part of these programs and as well-intentioned as they are, they are superficial efforts, designed to look good and check a “development helpful” box for “future manager to be”, or worse a “poor manager that is working on a development helpful”. Yes, there are a few successful programs out there, but for the most part, these are often painful exercises where commitments long past their expiration date are still required because a commitment contract was signed. Ask me how I really feel about mentor programs.

Multiple mentors

I have several mentors in my life. None of them have an HR background. I do believe they have all had a massive impact on my life. What they added to my toolbox of knowledge in fly fishing, fly tying, M&A, Finance, or blogging has made me a better HR practitioner.

What I learn from one mentor in one field makes me a better practitioner in other fields.

None of these mentors came from a mentor program, and no signatures of commitment were required. 

What is a mentor to me?

A mentor, to me, is the “wise one” in a specific field of study. Some mentors are old guys who have decades of experience. Some mentors are younger individuals with new school knowledge and cutting-edge answers. But at the end of the day, the people I call mentors are individuals I respect, want to be around, and are gracious with their knowledge. The relationship isn’t a mentorship if I don’t feel 110% comfortable as the mentee. Every relationship is different, but if I can’t put myself “out there” with someone, they are probably not mentoring material for me. If asked, most of these mentors would laugh and say:

“I am not HRNasty’s mentor; he just has a lot of questions and always brings good cigars for us to share. We pull up a couple of chairs, fire up some cigars, and then he takes a voracious amount of notes. No, I am not his mentor”.  

These folks are humble that way.

So why hook up with a mentor?

The main reason for me is to shorten the learning curve. If I can talk with someone who has been there and done that, then maybe I don’t have to spend so much time learning from YouTube and can spend less time in my trial-and-error stages. When I’m stuck on a problem and have tried several failed solutions, it’s a luxury to go to someone who knows. I can explain my efforts and then receive help with a solution. Usually, these solutions are obvious to the mentor and only then obvious to me. But I would be dumbass to think that I am the first person to run into these problems. The mentor has done that or can hook me up with someone who has.

What I look for in a mentor

• This person should have at least a few levels of experience beyond my own. Anakin Skywalker had Obi-Wan Kenobi, Daniel-san had Mr. Miyagi, and if you are a mid-level manager, you want to find a Director or VP. Someone with only a few additional years of experience probably won’t have the insight you seek. 
• If you belong to a minority, there are benefits to finding a mentor who has overcome similar challenges. I am not saying it is required; there are benefits. 
• Mandatory dating analogy: I am short, with a face for radio (or a mask and glasses), and not the sharpest tool in the shed. If I am looking for a mentor to help me with my social life, as good as Fabio sounds, I would much rather have someone who looks like me. The Quasimoto, who women constantly surround, is who I want to help me with my game. At 6 foot 4 with abs, Fabio doesn’t have my problems. If Quasimoto can get the girl, so can I. The guy that comes to mind is Jason Acuna, AKA WeeMan from the Jackass Crew.  

List of apprehension and pushback I hear when I suggest looking for a mentor

• “I don’t think I can approach my current Director of VP.”
• “I do not know any senior-level people; all of my friends are new in their careers.”
• “I don’t think I can bother the executive running our department. My manager only gets to meet with her once every other week!”
• “How many times do I meet with this person?”
• “I’m scared.”

Where do I find a mentor? How do I hook it up?

Consider your own and your significant other’s networks, as well as your parents’ networks. There are a few people within these circles that we all admire for one reason or another. Some people in these circles are in similar industries and can make introductions to individuals who can assist.

I wouldn’t just march into the VP’s office and ask, “Hey, will you be my mentor”? Think, baby steps.

I am confident that any of these individuals would be flattered to be asked out for coffee, so their expertise could be tapped on a topic they are an expert in. Most of my friends have children in high school and are just entering college. I am ALWAYS flattered when one of these young people reaches out to me to ask about resume writing or interviewing skills. 90% of the time, the parents aren’t aware of the young person’s initiative. I receive an email or a text, and we meet over coffee (they offer, but I treat). They come prepared with a list of questions and take notes.

I want to help those who are trying

Who doesn’t want to help someone who is trying to help themselves and putting themselves out there to figure it out? I usually receive a follow-up thank you via text or email, and then I volunteer to continue helping. I wouldn’t call myself a mentor at this point, but these relationships built over time are pretty rewarding.

These relationships were developed organically and casually. Both parties found benefit. I may make it easy for younger people, but the relationships that last are usually driven by the one seeking knowledge. After all, no one wants to help anyone who won’t help him or herself.

We can keep in touch

Some relationships are consistent, with meetings every couple of months. Others can be on fire for 6 weeks as someone fires up a job search and then die out for a year or two. I appreciate the consistent relationships. I am confident that both parties will get much more out of these regular touches in the long run. Every meeting doesn’t have to be knowledge-specific. Sometimes, it is nice to keep in touch.   

When I am seeking enlightenment, I try to focus on a couple of things

• As a Kohai,  I want to make it as easy as possible for my Sempai or Obi-Wan Kenobi. We meet on their turf and on their time. I always specify the challenges I am trying to solve before we meet.
• Always show respect and make it a point to articulate my appreciation of their knowledge. I articulate how much time, money, and or frustration they save me and how much I appreciate their time.
• I follow up with an email explaining what I took from our session. It is as much of a wrap-up of notes as it shows that I take their time seriously.
• I bring food and alcohol, or offer to buy lunch or coffee. It is nothing fancy, but the gesture is made and usually declined.

We are all responsible for our careers and our destiny

If we wait for the company to invite us to a mentor program, the odds will not be in our favor. Mentorship relationships can be very informal, so make sure you show your appreciation and respect.

Are you in a mentor relationship?  If so, please share some of the benefits you experience in the comments below.

See you at the after party,
HRNasty

nasty: an unreal maneuver of incredible technique, something that is ridiculously good, tricky, and manipulative but with a result that can’t help but be admired, a phrase used to describe someone good at something. “He has a nasty forkball”.

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