Employee feedback is hard
As a manager, one of the most common, anxiety-causing moments is when we need to provide “ employee feedback” for improvement. No one wants to tell a colleague they are doing something wrong. A few decades ago, you could yell, scream, and abuse employees. As a good friend in the military explained to me, he preferred being a manager in the military to one in corporate America. When he wanted something done, he just raised his voice and shouted the order. Dropping a few F-bombs wasn’t frowned upon. There was no argument or backtalk, and if there were, he could address it. Ahh, the good ol’ days.
Today, we provide a few rational reasons why you shouldn’t become anxious when providing employee feedback for improvement. In addition to the rationale, I hope to give you some internal motivation. The goal is to move managers to have these conversations earlier rather than later.
We are doing the employee a favor
As managers, we do employees a favor by providing feedback for improvement. Employees are not mind-readers. They don’t know what managers are thinking or when they are disappointed. If an employee doesn’t know how to change their behavior, we can’t expect them to continue to exhibit poor behavior. It makes sense to explain the company/department expectations so employees are not inadvertently embarrassing themselves, the department, or you as their manager.
Assume good intent
One way to make the employee feedback conversation easier is to approach the conversation with good intent. Recognize that very few employees show up at work with a personal goal of making life difficult for the rest of the department. Most employees want to do the right thing and leave a good impression. It may seem that way, but it rarely is. Employees early in their careers may not realize that their behavior is having a negative impact, but it is. Values and expectations differ in the workplace from those in college or on a Saturday night. Often, raising awareness of the situation can be a remedy.
Most people want to know when they have food in their teeth and when they are unknowingly making a mistake.
EG: Many of us have heard stories of being asked about age or religion during an interview. The candidate being interviewed becomes offended, horrified, and angry. They then vow never to work for the company, even if a strong offer is made. My advice is that the interviewer likely didn’t realize this was an inappropriate question that could put the company in jeopardy. Very few employees want to offend a candidate or expose their company to corporate liability. They just don’t realize that these questions put the company at risk.
We can bring the horse to water
Keep in mind that, as managers, it isn’t our responsibility to fix all employees. It is our job to provide employees with the tools for success, but we can’t force them to use them or take advantage of the opportunity. We do what we can when we have the hard conversation, provide examples of good and bad behavior, and are specific and transparent. The employee needs to meet us halfway. Managers shouldn’t beat themselves up emotionally or feel guilty if they are not able to “fix” their employee.
It’s our job
As a manager, our job is to make our boss’s job easier. Anybody can give an employee a raise or kudos for a job well done. Our boss doesn’t need to pay us a yearly salary to hand out employee raises. As a manager, we are being paid to “manage” the employee(s). If we are not managing our employees to improve, our boss doesn’t need us and can find someone who will. If we want bigger opportunities and more responsibility, we need to demonstrate that we can perform well in our current role, particularly on the hard tasks.
We will lose our top performers
If we don’t provide the “feedback for improvement” to the employee who is falling short, the top performers in the department will lose faith in us as managers. Top performers will look to management and leadership to ensure a fair and just work environment. This means everyone is pulling their weight and acting in line with the company’s values. Our priority should be to keep our top performers happy vs. worrying about upsetting our low performers with feedback for improvement.
It’s not what we say, it’s how we say it
When I have been “coached for improvement,” there were plenty of lessons I didn’t appreciate. I heard the accusation (I mean words), “You did this!”, “You didn’t do that!”, and saw a pointing finger in my face. I wanted to grab that finger and snap it off the insecure hand that was shaking it. The lessons I did appreciate were supportive and positive, especially during the “first conversation on the topic”. Of course, if you have to tell me to do the same thing 4 times, fire my ass.
Communication style
Using the words “we” and “our” vs. “you” will identify that you and your colleagues are on the same team. EG:
I noticed that YOU are coming in late every day and it isn’t fair to the rest of the team.
Vs.
I noticed that “we” have been arriving late to work over the last few days. Is everything OK outside of work?
The word “You” in this context can sound accusatory and can separate the two of us as being on opposing teams. The word “We” can show that we are on the same side and showing support.
Leave the emotion out of it.
Another thing I don’t appreciate during coaching is a conversation that is too loud or too long. Raising your voice doesn’t help get your voice across; it shows the employee is getting under our skin. Hearing the same message 10 times in the same conversations isn’t 10 times better than hearing it once. Returning to the “Bring the horse to water” axiom, bringing the horse to water 10 times doesn’t guarantee they will drink.
For every action, there is an equal reaction
When we raise our voice, we are probably generating a similar response from the employee. Most likely, the employee is internalizing the feedback and their frustration. Which is why we don’t always need to belabor the point or raise our voice. If we are raising our voices, we can be pretty sure the listeners are raising their “inside” voice against us.
Provide alternative examples of behavior
One book I really like is titled FYI, For Your Improvement by Michael Lombardo. This book delivers 100’s of job competencies and examples of what these competencies look like when someone is not taking advantage of the competency, using the skill effectively, and overusing the skill. I always keep a copy at my desk because it includes concrete examples of the behavior and resources for improving it.
Next time you are anxious about having a difficult conversation, review the list above. With the above in mind, the conversation should be easier.
See you at the after party,
HRNasty
nasty: an unreal maneuver of incredible technique, something that is ridiculously good, tricky and manipulative but with a result that can’t help but be admired, a phrase used to describe someone who is good at something. “He has a nasty forkball”.
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