Dinner with the boss, how to enjoy the evening

Enjoy your dinner with the boss

Dinner with the boss should be enjoyed

Tis’ the season of dinner parties. If you have been invited to have dinner with the boss, you really shouldn’t worry. For the past week, I have been talking with friends. I am amazed by how nervous folks become because they were invited to dinner with the boss. Just as nerve-wracking is when attending a dinner party with the significant other’s boss. Every day last week, I heard someone was nervous. Worried about being invited to a party hosted by their boss or their S.O.’s boss.

It is easy to think about all the ways behavior can go badly. When that happens in the presence of your boss, it is easy to think that your career will be in jeopardy. I understand that thinking.  If you have worked with your boss for any time and made a good impression, tonight won’t be any different.

What you should do and say

There are plenty of articles on how NOT to act, what NOT to say, and what NOT to do. I am guilty of posting several posts on how HR interprets holiday party behavior.  I realized that I didn’t say anything about what you SHOULD do, what you SHOULD say, and how you SHOULD act.

If you are attending a dinner party with your boss, be yourself and ENJOY!  Your ability to be yourself at work probably got you invited in the first place. Don’t feel the need to act differently.     

Few can walk into a room full of strangers and be the life of the party.  You and your S.O. do not have to be the life of the party. No need to re-create a scene from the Wedding Crashers. You need to be a hair north of “interesting” and to the right of “upbeat.”

Are you fortunate to be invited to dinner with a vital work colleague? Remember the following, and you will be successful.

• Smile.  Anything less is an obvious cue.
• Be yourself. You were hired because you proved you had social skills during the interview. Since that first interview, you have only become more comfortable working in the company.
• As an exec, the last thing that I want is for the guests to be nervous. I don’t want to see them act differently or be someone they are not.  I am inviting you to dinner to say “thank you.” I want to celebrate an occasion, and I like your company.

The last thing I want is for anyone to be so nervous that they have a miserable time. I hope you act the same way around me as when you go out with your friends from work.

• No exec made it to where they are by trying to put the people around them in awkward situations. They don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. This isn’t a scene from Dinner for Schmucks. If your boss wanted a stiff board, they would have gone to the lumber mill.  If you were a schmuck, do you think your boss would have hired you and kept you on?

One person I talked with made the following comment. “I don’t want to get drunk when I have dinner with my boss.” I immediately asked them, “Have you gotten drunk in front of your boss in the past”? Of course, the answer was “No,” to which I replied,

You were invited!

“You would not have been invited if they thought you would get drunk.” Their logic made no sense, but with a perception that so much is at stake, people can become irrational.

I would not have invited you if I thought you would embarrass me in front of our peers. I would not have asked you to meet friends or clients.  You don’t have to be on your “best” behavior. I want you to demonstrate the same behavior you have always shown at work.  It is behavior that your co-workers and I are comfortable with being around.

We all have friends we invite to our parties and friends we do not invite.  We have colleagues we like to be around and those that we do not. Execs are no different. If anything, most execs are NOT insecure when it comes to entertaining. For most people, especially execs, showing or verbalizing insecurity is a red flag.

No questions or insecurities

Do not question or doubt why you were invited. The last thing I want to be asked when we are out is, “Why did you invite me?”.  I don’t mind explaining it to you. I invited you because you have the confidence to accept the invitation. You will be yourself versus an insecure baby.  Just roll with the evening and enjoy the moment.  If your boss passes you a blunt, then make like Snoop and hand your Boo a 40.  (Sorry, I got my blog posts mixed up there.)

Find something in common

Face time with the boss is a great thing. Don’t question it or think the worst. Look at it like the gift that it is.  This is an opportunity for them to learn more about you personally and professionally. It is an opportunity to ask for advice and learn more about them. 

If you get invited this holiday season to go out to dinner or close a big client, I have one piece of advice for you. “Enjoy yourself, and don’t fuck it up.”

See you at the after party,

HRNasty 

nasty: an unreal maneuver of incredible technique, something that is ridiculously good, tricky, and manipulative but with a result that can’t help but be admired, a phrase used to describe someone who is good at something. “He has a nasty forkball”.

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