Top 5 company holiday party rules for you and your spouse

Save the date for your spouse’s company holiday party!

Company Holiday Party

Company Holiday party this year? Most of us will attend our spouse’s company holiday party this Christmas season, whether we are being asked or dragged. (Yes, the HR guy called it Christmas)

If your significant other’s company is hosting a company holiday party, there are several key considerations to keep in mind. The following may sound basic, but I see a spouse ruin a great employee’s reputation yearly. Usually, it is after one drink too many or through a lack of common courtesy. I can’t takes it no mo’ mang. I gotta say sompim!!!

If you are like most people, you like the Holiday season

Most people don’t fully appreciate the requirement to attend their spouse’s holiday party.  Most men don’t enjoy attending their spouse’s functions. It’s up there with going to the wedding of your SO’s BFF that you don’t know very well. Yes, there will be free food. Yes, there will be free booze. But at the end of the day, we want to stay home. We don’t want to worry about the hassle tax – AKA the “clean shirt and haircut”. 

Call me the Grinch that stole Christmas, but Mrs. HRNasty’s company holiday party isn’t a must-attend event for me. Don’t get me wrong; I have nothing against the company or her co-workers. I don’t want to go. Not only do I have to wear something nice, but I will not know anyone. Well, let’s be real. I don’t have to wear anything nice, but Mrs. Nasty will want to dress up, which means she will want Mr. Nasty to do the same. Yippee.

Superficial?

Fr’ real tho. What am I going to do at these parties? Although I know one or two employees at Mrs. Nasty’s company, our relationship is relatively superficial. I can’t even recruit anyone at this party and fill one of my open job reqs. Do I want to attend a function where I see a few people once a year, engage in some meaningless chit-chat, and then try to remember that conversation when we meet up at the holiday party, without being in recruiter mode? Many unhappy employees are making New Year’s resolutions. They vow to look for new jobs at the start of a new year, and I can’t be on the prowl!

I will put on my “Happy face” and “Holiday season personality.” I will try to have conversations with all the significant others who don’t want to be there. Mrs. Nasty will point to co-workers and give me some perspective on who, what, and where. Most couples share the inside scoop about their colleagues. FWIW, working in HR, I don’t want to hear about any of it, and we agree not to gossip.

The usual gossip

Bitter Bob has been with the company for 14 years and was just passed over for a promotion.  Super Sales Sam just slept with two women in marketing, but HR won’t talk with him because he just brought in a million-dollar deal. You get the idea. Again, I don’t tolerate this nonsense. I’ve had enough of this with my own 9-to-5. 

Holiday parties seem to bring out the best and worst in the spouses. The gracious spouses always come appropriately groomed, flash big smiles, and engage with our managers or VPs. These positive spouses are with employees who enjoy their work and their co-workers. The employees and their spouses show their appreciation. 

HRNasty gets tipsy

I don’t drink, but if I did, I would probably head straight to the bar and order a double as soon as I arrived. I would skip the coat check. My first “Happy Holidays!” would be directed to the bartender. I would come on an empty stomach because Mrs. HRNasty didn’t want me to ruin my appetite. After two drinks on an empty stomach, HRNasty would be a little tipsy.

Frustrated significant others are like young, innocent children. They unknowingly learned how to drop the F-bomb from their parents in moments of frustration.  Monkey see, monkey do. Alcohol loosens the tongue.  Nothing is more refreshing than hearing the spouse of an employee who has had too many drinks share the couple’s honest thoughts and frustration with the company or the manager.  How often have I heard a significant other tell the employee’s manager how valuable their spouse is? How frequently has a significant other asked for a raise at a company holiday party on behalf of the employee? Worse, they told the manager the employed significant other SHOULD RECEIVE A RAISE because they work so hard? Awkwardddd. . . . 

If you attend your SO’s company holiday party, this is not the time.  On the flip side, if your company is hosting a company holiday party and you are concerned your spouse, keep them on a tight leash.  Aggressive – Rottweiler, tight leash, kind of close.  Spouses, if you know you can become obnoxious and overprotective of your spouse, put something in your stomach before you arrive at the party. Don’t start drinking just because the company is buying. 

Below is a list of do’s and don’ts

1. Don’t point at other guests and ask, “Who is that?” or “What do they do?”  (You can ask, but don’t point or whisper.)
2. Don’t complain about the food.  The company is trying to express its gratitude, and it’s never easy to feed more than 20 people at once.  Unless your chicken is raw, STFU.
3. Don’t make a fuss if the company doesn’t have exactly what you are used to eating.  There are many people out there who are starving and would be happy to have your overcooked prime rib with garlic mashed potatoes.
4. Please take a moment to thank the manager and the head of the department before leaving the function.  Feel free to contact the manager or the VP.  They DO want to get to know you, and you are NOT bothering them.  This is just a common courtesy.
5. The company may be hosting an open bar. This doesn’t mean you must recoup your low paycheck via company booze on this special night.
6. Try not to complain about cheap gifts or lack of company swag.  This is more about being together than walking away with material profits.

I am a reflection of my spouse, I gotta represent

I am lucky. Mrs. HRNasty likes and respects her manager. As a Significant Other, I  want to be a reflection of that.  If I arrive at her company holiday party inconsiderate, ungrateful, or resentful, her hard work and dedication will be trivialized because of my antics. Thankfully, I don’t drink, and thankfully, we don’t have any children because I am confident they would be dropping more than their fair share of F-bombs raised in the Nasty household.

Just because you have a holiday-themed tie doesn’t mean you have to wear it,

See you at the after party,
HRNasty

nasty: an unreal maneuver of incredible technique, something that is ridiculously good, tricky, and manipulative but with a result that can’t help but be admired, a phrase used to describe someone good at something. “He has a nasty forkball”.

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