Christmas take on why Gen Y and Z don’t have interview skills

Kids who were not prepared for the big interview with the CEO of Christmas

Season of Birth Control

As we move into the Holiday season, I enjoy this time of year. I can break out my heavy sweaters and overcoats, which I only have the opportunity to sport in the coldest of weather.  The chilly weather sets the mood for some of my favorite foods. Ox Tail Stew and Beef Bourguignon with homemade pasta to name a few. But my favorite part of the Holiday season is I am reminded exactly why I chose not to have any children very early.

If there were a time of year that would be called the season of Birth Control, the holiday season would be it. This is especially true for someone who manages expectations in the corporate environment. I can’t complain. It’s job security, after all.

Kids hopped up on holiday candy sugar. Screaming like spoiled brats after seeing TV commercials for this season’s toys is too much greed for me. The fighting that results from the perceived value of gifts unfairly gifted to siblings makes me want to bring the Grinch who stole Christmas back from Whooville. 

Two questions:

1. How do parents do this for 25 years until the kids leave the home?
2. Why would I think about going to Target between now and January 1?

If you haven’t figured it out by now, HRNasty doesn’t care for the wee ones. 

• The Crumb Snatchers think crying and screaming is the new form of barter. (I will stop crying and screaming when you give me what I want). 
• The PeeWees have no sense of reality. “You want HOW MANY of WHAT????”

In an era where a kid will (not can, WILL) receive a trophy for just showing up, I would set the family dynamic up for failure. As much as I think it would be good to have a junior HRNasty to take fishing, a kid running around screaming “You’re fired!” in a copycat fashion of the parent doesn’t look good in public. My form of love harkens back to “This hurts me a lot more than it hurts you” days.  

Observational Research

I have a couple of close friends with little monsters. Watching them go through another holiday season forces me to question the future of America. There are plenty who feel I am insensitive and that I do not believe in humanity. They would be absolutely correct, but I lay before you my hypothesis based on simple observation. I see young minds trying to enter the workforce every day. Graduates fail because they lack the interview skills they should have learned from their parents during this holiday season. 

I used to think universities failed to teach interview and resume-building skills. After going through several holiday seasons, I think it is not just the schools. The parents are also failing to teach resume and job interview skills.

We aren’t surprised when infants working with iPads and cell phones have become good at video games and computers. Should we be surprised when we see interview failures at a young age become the same candidates failing interviews when they graduate college?

Case Study 1:  The Cover Letter

I just saw one runny-nosed munchkin write a wish list letter to Santa. This wish list looked like a cover letter and resume to me. In my opinion, the letter wouldn’t get our candidate a meeting with the CEO of the Holidays, AKA Santa. If that letter had come to me, it would have gone straight to the recycle bin. There were misspelled words, and the thing was written with Mr. Sketch’s scented markers. Why didn’t the parents help little Boo with the formatting of this simplest of business letters?  At least she had the wits to address the letter to “Santa” vs. “To whom this may concern.”  

Of course, Mrs. HRNasty gave me a dirty look when Uncle HRNasty tried to step in and help these future unemployables. Yes, Uncle Nasty knew better and held his tongue.       

There were no qualifications in this cover letter. Nothing was about how well-behaved she was the past year or what she did to deserve anything.  The cover letter got straight to her selfish little point in typical Gen (whatever letter we are on this year) fashion. It started out with “Dear Santa, I want X and I want Y and I need Z. . . .”  Oy Veyyyyy!

In an interview situation, always treat the executive assistants with respect!

Case Study #2: Face-to-Face Interview Skills

I watch in horror as the parents allow their little Precious to believe that the smelly pen and failure of a cover letter worked. They think this landed the Wee One with a face-to-face interview with Santa. The CEO of the Holidays happens to be the big man himself. He is sitting in his big executive chair with his sexy little tart of an assistant in the colored hose and a short green skirt down at the local department store. Helicopter mom and dad may see a simple visit with Santa. They treat the Santa Elf assistants with impatience.

I saw a face-to-face meeting with the CEO of Christmas and an executive assistant who had the CEO’s ear. There is no excuse to go in unprepared and never dis on the EA! As we waited in line, I saw failure after failure as the applicants were hoisted onto Santa’s lap and broke under pressure. One after another, they were unable to answer the simplest of interview questions. Practice, people, practice!

Everyone gets a trophy    

Why not just have the kid show up late smelling like cigarette smoke and have their hand-me-down flip phone go off while being interviewed on Santa’s lap? You are never too young to practice your interview skills. Our little candidate starts crying. A helicopter parent comes to the rescue and hands their balling babe a trophy in the form of a candy cane for trying so hard. They then have the audacity of giving the CEO the evil eye as they scurry away with their sobbing little brat.

Don’t coddle that kid. That was a FAIL Biatches!  This is where a “woodshed whupping” or two would have toughened up a kid.  In the least, a “Get back in the saddle” life lesson could be dished out. I could already picture this same parent attending the job interview with their proud college graduate. They called me directly to say the job offer was inadequate. (yes, this happens) Next time I have an opening for BusyBody Helicopter parent, you will find me at the mall during the holidays, trolling with my business cards.  

Practice people, PRACTICE!

No mock interview or research was conducted for this interview with CEO Santa. If it were my kid (and I am an expert on child raising), I would have asked my sumo wrestler friend to don a white beard and red hat. We would have had that kid jump in his lap so he could go through his pitch several times. At the least, the kid should have had answers to the CEO’s expected questions. We know what the top interview questions are. There is no excuse.  

• How old are you, little Johnny?  AKA: Tell me about yourself.
• Have you been naughty or nice?  AKA: Are you qualified?
• What do you want Santa to bring you?  AKA What are you looking for financially? 

There were three questions in a row with lousy answers. We wonder why kids these days lack interview skills.

Case Study #3:  Thank you Letter

Did I see a thank you letter after this in-person interview? NOOOOOOO, . . . All I heard was, “When is Santa going to show up?” and “How come it is taking so long?” 

And the parents just kept on reassuring the little Boo Brats. Candidates get mad when they don’t hear back from the recruiter after 2 days. Parents reinforce unrealistic expectations, telling their kids how special they are.  

It hasn’t arrived yet, but I know the coup d’état will come on Christmas morning.

It’s not just the kids who are creating stress

The house will be full of running around and stress/tension. Of course, I am only talking about the parents. The screamers will be strung out on hot cocoa and candy canes, running around with dangerous new toys. All we hear is the complaining about the lack of batteries for their new Fidget spinner or finger monkey doll.

Gift wrap will be thrown everywhere. The short attention spans are too simple to keep presents and gift tags together. Forget about any thank you letters being sent out. Maybe it is better off. I don’t want to receive the same cut-and-paste thank you email or text that will be forwarded to every gift giver. I have finally connected the dots because if I am lucky, I might receive a generic text/email after interviewing a candidate. The hiring managers who receive these emails are ecstatic with these meager scraps of a thank you until they compare notes and find out the other four interviewers on the panel received the same copy.

Yes, the Holiday season is a season to be thankful. Job application, anyone?

Have a Buddah-mas Holiday, and see you at the after-party,

HRNasty 

nasty: an unreal maneuver of incredible technique, something that is ridiculously good, tricky, and manipulative but with a result that can’t help but be admired, a phrase used to describe someone good at something. “He has a nasty forkball”.

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